7/8 Devon M

Devon sent the text below as an email. She received no responses.

Dear Board of Directors, Executive Team, and Danielle,

I wrote once before and never received a reply. Here I am writing again.

To begin, I had written about the Rev Alison Miller’s husband speaking to me in inappropriate ways following the Q&A of June 9th. Specifically he was reiterating over and over again that he wished he could tell me everything he knew. He wished he could tell me the truth and that we shouldn’t “lay blame at Alison’s feet.” All of these are his words verbatim. A week ago, outside of the church, I asked Alison why I had never heard back from anyone about this email and she replied that she had instructed her husband not to talk to people wearing white. She also told me, more than once, that I must have "misunderstood" what he was saying. I want to assure you, his words weren’t complicated. Telling me that I misunderstood felt, to me, condescending and dismissive.

Second, I want to inform you about the behavior of some of the congregants since we began to protest the decision made by the ET to force DeReau’s termination. I personally have been yelled at and told to leave the church and take my grief elsewhere. I have been told that our actions are “nasty.” I have been told that we are “destroying the church.” [Usher’s name], while standing outside next to us as we passed out informational flyers, with an intimidating posture and angry looks told me he was "disappointed" in us. I have been part of First Unitarian Church for eight years and I have sang with the choir for eight years. In that time, I have listened to countless sermons about social and political injustice, racism, the need to raise marginalized voices and listen, the necessity of dissent in democratic institutions, and the hard but imperative work of creating beloved community. It is an absolutely bewildering experience, to say the least, to be taking direct action in the very spirit of a social justice church and to be met with disdain and reprise by some of the congregation and gaslighting and dismissal by some of the leaders. While trying to raise awareness about the lack of transparency in our own church, about our organizational structure that does not give enough power and protection to staff or create enough oversight of the Executive leaders, we are met by some with curiosity and support and by others with straight up vitriol. As I said to [aforementioned usher] last Sunday outside the church, the more you treat the members of your own church with contempt, anger, or disapproval for raising concerns about the fair and equitable treatment of staff, the less we appear to be a community that embodies the principles preached within our church. And the more that you, our leaders, treat those of us organizing with dismissal and tell us that what is happening is “normal,” the more you appear to be focused on your own power and self protection versus actually caring for your own congregation that is currently heartbroken.

In one of the recent Front Steps newsletters, it was written that the concerns and questions around DeReau’s forced resignation seem to mostly have to do with the fact that he is “talented.” I am in awe that members of the Executive Team and the Board sat and listened for three hours to congregant testimony and then summarized what people were saying in this simplified way. Let me provide a correction, based on what I know from the many choir members who are no longer returning to this church and who spoke that day. DeReau was talented but, more importantly, he was loved and revered and he ministered to some of us in ways more impactful than Alison or Tom ever have. In addition, it was always very clear that he had to deal with the quotidian microaggressions of a predominately white church and many of us, myself included, are concerned with the circumstances surrounding his resignation and the integrity of the leadership team at the UU and the structure of power in our church. Since DeReau's forced resignation, I am even more saddened by John's resignation, though I honor his decision to stand up against the current leadership and direction of our church. I am again, bewildered, how it is that you have not yet mentioned his name from the pulpit. How can you act with such disrespect to someone who served our church for more than 20 years. Again, we don't grieve the loss of him because he was also "talented." John is also loved, and revered, and deeply respected for the work he has done with us for so long.

Lastly, I think all of you have failed, in a rather devastating way, to realize how much our choir community means to so many of us. I have watched choir members walk out of the church in tears these last few weeks because they are never coming back. Many of us balance daily stress, grief, personal challenges, and even mental illness with our practice of singing. Singing together is our religion. For many of us, singing is the reason that we are there with you. Under DeReau and John's leadership, our community evolved over many years, and many songs, and you broke our community apart because of “personnel issues,” of which I understand should not be overlooked, but with seemingly no thought to the hardship this would cause in our lives individually and as a community. Rather, to you Alison, this is just "normal turnover," as you like to say.

I, and others, are challenging your power because there seem to be structural leadership changes that are necessary if First Unitarian actually wants to be the type of institution it professes to be. A place, for example, where staff feel respected and content in their positions. A place, for example, where congregants are heard when voicing normal institutional concerns and are met with curiosity rather than vitriolic response. You have a choice, to either be transparent, welcome the criticism and listen to the suggestions and work together to make our church a better institution, or to double down on your own power and your own image, to act dismissively towards us and to try and convince the congregation that we are spreading misinformation. We are not spreading misinformation. We are asking questions, begging for transparency, and challenging your integrity as leaders. Every decision you make to listen to our concerns is seen, at least by some people, as caring about your congregation, as welcoming conversation, as acting as a social justice oriented institution. And every decision you make in the interest of preserving your own power at the expense of recognizing the pain you have caused in our church and the messages we are asking you to listen to is seen, at least by some people, as power begetting power, the very antithesis of our Unitarian Universalist principles.

I can only imagine how overwhelming this entire situation must be for you all. I don't envy your positions at all. Portland is a city that sits at the forefront of a lot of social justice movements. It's a city filled with a lot of radical and beautiful human beings that will only want to be part of a spiritual and religious institution that truthfully embodies the principles it professes to uphold. Good luck making hard decisions. I know a lot of the damage caused cannot be undone, and many people are not coming back, but you all hold a lot of power to determine the future of our church and its reputation in this radical city of ours. You can create the kind of church that so many of us want to be a part of, or you can create a church designed around your own positions and your own power. Those are two very different institutions.

Thank you for reading,

Devon Mitchell

Congregant Member