11/7 Alyssa E
Alyssa attempted to read the statement below to the Board on 11/7. The gray text indicates portions of the statement that were not delivered aloud because members of the Board and Executive Team interrupted. Rev. Alison said that Alyssa’s words were untrue. Board members argued that the purpose of the statement was to “denigrate” individuals, and they wouldn’t tolerate it. (The next congregant speaker focused entirely on criticizing Nicole, and nobody objected to that.)
Alyssa asked for specific factual inaccuracies, twice, and Rev. Alison did not respond. Alyssa argued that the purpose was not to denigrate anyone but rather to identify unresolved problems with the conduct of church leadership, including conduct that harmed her personally.
Finally, Rev. Alison suggested that Alyssa seemed mentally unwell and perhaps was in need of help, noting that Alyssa’s mother was one of the Zoom participants in the meeting.
Alyssa insisted on continuing with the statement but skipped paragraphs that she thought were most likely to trigger additional interruptions.
I fear that your leadership is consolidating power on a foundation of hypocrisy and lies. I’d like to provide some recent examples.
You warn about “misinformation.” Yet, when I beg you to notify me about factual errors in my team’s work, you are silent. When I pressed you for specifics, you said only that other people’s perspectives are “half truths.” Meanwhile, you publicly misrepresent or even lie about my team’s actions. You ignore my complaints, documentation, and request for amends. Board members mock me for having the audacity to expect you to be accountable for lying. It seems like you don’t actually care about the accuracy of information. You care only whether it strengthens or hurts your image.
You say you care about “healthy boundaries” between staff and congregants. You say Nicole is violating boundaries by sharing her story with congregants. That may be true, but I don’t think you are upset because of the boundary-crossing. You are upset because her voice makes it clear that you’ve been lying about why she resigned. The truth reflects poorly on you. It’s convenient to insist on her silence. Meanwhile, you spent two years approaching congregants for unsolicited trash-talking about Nicole, Cassandra, and DeReau. [interruptions and objections from several individuals, causing the omission of the next part of the statement] When some unsettled congregants raised alarm, Board members made excuses. Now, former Board members disseminate accusations about DeReau that came from Executive Session and should be confidential. Current Board members say horrible things to their friends about the well-meaning individual who suggested privately that my team should have access to the congregant directory. It seems like you don't actually care about healthy boundaries. You just want to control who has the power to share information.
You talk about “covenant” as if it creates a universal standard for everyone’s behavior. You read the covenant aloud to set norms for conversations. You criticize dissidents for being “out of covenant” or “out of right relation,” though you do not specify how and do not provide a pathway to repair. Meanwhile, you seem disinterested when dissidents are the recipients of cruel behaviors—yelling, insults, physical obstruction, hissing and booing. You also seem to believe that the covenant does not apply to you personally. Are you aware that our covenant says that you should “Trust that others have good intentions”? “Respond to anger with gentleness”? “Talk with rather than about others”? Yet you have never approached dissidents with gentleness. You have never related to me or my team as if we are trying in good faith to improve the church. Since the second week in June, you have portrayed us publicly as a dangerous enemy. You do not even have the decency to approach us directly with your concerns. Instead, you air your grievances in sermons and in the Front Steps. Meanwhile, I contact you directly with concerns because I expect, in good faith, that you might wish to repair the harm—and I am accused of bullying you. It seems like “covenant” is nothing more to you than a weapon for policing the behavior of anyone who disagrees with you.
Finally, you say you care about safety. You justified the original protest ban by saying you were worried about unsafe clashes between congregants, even though dissenters had never initiated unsafe behavior. Now, you are making moves to kick me out of the church based on the Safe Church Policy. However, you did not investigate the report of physical assault by an usher on a dissenter in July. The Board ignored my complaint about how Alison handled the Mark Slegers incident. The Board is investigating me for sharing information with RE families while ignoring my report that a Board member put hands on a young person who tried to intervene on my behalf. Do you really care about safety, or are you just glad for any opportunity to paint your opposition as dangerous?
People are quick to make excuses for each instance of hypocrisy. “Church leadership is under so much pressure, they’re doing their best.” “Surely you knew the risks when you organized a protest.” Or, my personal favorite: “If you stir up this much trouble, then you get whatever’s coming to you.”
I hope you can recognize the moral vacuity and cowardice of those excuses. Surely you know that someone who uses non-violent tactics to challenge power does not deserve to be assaulted, defamed, socially isolated, and verbally abused. My god, I’m not even talking about the nuances of UU principles here. I’m pleading for some basic human rights.
Look, everyone is hypocritical to some degree. I appreciate the difficulty of “practicing what you preach,” and I can forgive sporadic mistakes. However. I believe the volume of hypocrisy in this institution is tantamount to an alternative reality. You condemn specific behaviors, and paint yourself as a victim of those behaviors, while doing those exact behaviors yourself—and God help anyone who expects you to be accountable for it. You have constructed a comprehensive lie about who you are and how you lead this church.
Board members, I hope you are reflecting privately on how many ethical sacrifices you’re making for a leader who has presided over remarkable losses during her short time here and yet continues to point the finger at everyone but herself. I hope you feel uneasy about the expertise, passion, and energy you’ve lost in the exodus of staff, Board members, an affiliated minister, lay leaders, choir members, and other congregants.
In a few years, do you think you’ll look back on this moment and feel proud of the choices you made? Guilt and shame are devastating things, and I won’t wish them on you. But, I do wish for you to have a conscience. And I hope you find it sooner rather than later.
